There you are the one who teaches because you have the students' best interests at heart, the one who allows students to construct knowledge in a nurturing classroom, the one who parents rave about and request, the big-idea person.  And there's your colleague, you're not sure why she's there at all, she doesn't seem to like kids or people or education for that matter. She's jealous of those who come up with ideas and even more of those who receive props for implementing them.  This colleague is impossible, arrogant, stubborn, and just plain miserable. She is the first to say "no" when the team says, "how about if we...".  Or better yet, does something completely opposite while smearing you behind your back to ensure her opposite practices are overlooked and yours are scrutinized. 

Now there  you are called in to the administrator and spoken to about 'things' you are doing that couldn't be further from the truth.  "You were seen digging in kid's lunch boxes bending their straws and nibbling crusts from cheese sandwiches," "You were heard telling a child he was inferior and better shape up or you'll send him to the basement with the other inferior dungeon kids that live down there," "You are so relaxed that you let kids sit on  windowsills near open windows while you wear a blindfold and play pin-the-clown-nose-on-the-principal all afternoon."  You. Are. The.Target.Of. A. Nasty.Colleague.  

The stress you feel walking into school each day on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest is about 14.  When you come home at night you fume and vent to your husband or wife, dog or cat, and any of your friends that will listen. Your ability to brush little things off cracks as you find yourself with relentless insomnia. Forced to watch infomercials at 3a.m. you develop an impulsive splurge habit, buying numerous stick vacuums that can pick up entire boxes of 'Fruit Loops' and  industrial scissors that can cut through pennies and rubber tractor tires. Other colleagues notice your new habit of unbending all of their paper clips and rebending them into the shape of triangles.

Richard Carlson, author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and Don’t Get Scrooged: How to Thrive in a World Full of Obnoxious, Incompetent, Arrogant and Downright Mean-Spirited People, once said, "stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness." The nervous tics, insomnia, impulsive buying, and paper clip bending is beginning to reflect that. 

The good news is there are numerous ways you can get through this stress including:

• focusing on your outstanding strengths and skills to cope with past challenging situations
  
• making connections and talking with people who can help give perspective 
  
• keeping a positive outlook
  
• taking care of yourself by exercising and continuing hobbies and activities you normally enjoy
  
• writing a very angry and expressive letter to your colleague but not giving it to her
  
• nipping the situation early on by calmly communicating with the colleague in private at a time when neither of you are emotionally charged
  
• making a plan to address issues with the colleague with an administrator or mediator present
  
• worst case, transferring to another school

If all else fails, and I don't necessarily condone this, stoop to her level by utilizing these ways that might make you feel better or at least help you feel better while laughing at the very notions:

• sabotage her diet by bringing donuts and cake every day and leaving it on her desk
• go on her desktop and hide her important documents in a safe place and make a copy of the folders (left empty) on the desktop
• sneak on to her computer and do a search for uncontrollable gas pains and leave the window open for everyone to see 
• hide her lesson plan guide and all of the teaching guides for the text books
• when you have recess, lunch, or bus duty, slip incorrect upcoming test answers to the students to ensure her class doesn't meet standards (this is slightly cruel to the kids though)
• enter the social circles of her students' parents to ensure she hears more about how great you are from them

Vanessa Lancaster


Disclaimer: The author is not responsible for the level to which you you take this advice or if you choose to use the all-else-fails suggestions and receive unsavory results. 

Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.  ~Marcus Antonius

Photo image from: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Bartz_and_bartz.jpg