The limit to human stupidity never ceases to amaze me, especially when it is my own. I am thinking I am going to go off the map for a while, keep to myself, not talk to many, but please do not take offense friends, I love so many people I think its just time I take a break. I am confused, got myself caught up, caught up in the most idiotic way I ever have...and well its my own damn fault.

I am no where near happy, I was living with the delusion that I was, what a joke. Life is so cruel at times, and god has one mean sense of humor.

How did I get in this state, I don't know. I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and I'm trying to see the bigger picture here, but, unfortunately from where I stand the screen is far too blurred.

I am in too deep, sinking more each day, I promised myself I wouldn't let things get this far, EVER AGAIN, but what can I say...other than...I have always been a failure. Not at life, but with certain aspects of it.

I know they say that when you feel pain, its a good sign because it means you're still alive, BUT, what if the pain is slowly, each day, is torture, and its killing you on the inside? A hamster wheel, that ultimately leads no where. No matter how fast you run, you are always in the same place.
Maybe that's what I need, No emotion, No passion, become the queen of the dammed, devoid and heartless...then maybe what some people think or speak of me, could actually become the truth, and who I really was will be nothing but a fleeting memory. (That no one ever took the time to know).

Silly little girl, pretending not to have a care in the world, being bold, standing strong, living in what seems like a permanent Halloween costume. How many people actually know me? Know who I am, what I stand for, where my heart is, and would even care....sad to say very few. The little that do are mostly gone, either taken away by death, or life lead them elsewhere.

Compassion, true friendship, loyalty, have all seemed to disappear...People are backstabbing, cruel, and truly selfish. Only seeking to gain for their own benefit, no one really gives a shit anymore about how what you say or do will affect another. What's happened to humility? Have we forgotten about feeling? And as to those of us, like me, who actually feel, suffer, and know true emotion...how many are left?

Has money, power, technology, gain, completely consumed your lives? Have you forgotten what its like to love, laugh, play, live, I mean really live...

I'm taking a break from life....I need to remember to enjoy the feeling of being happy, instead of always worrying about how things are going to work out.